Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Jokes

John was sitting outside his neighborhood pub, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts to decry the evils of drinking.
"You should be ashamed of yourself, young man! Drinking is a sin, and alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John starts to feel a bit annoyed about this and decides to go on the offensive.
"How do you know this, sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous!" the nun replies. "I've never had a drink in my life!"
"Well, then, I'll make a deal with you. Let me buy you one drink, and if you still believe afterward that it's evil, then I'll give up drinking for life."
"How could I, a nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll have the bartender put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside the bar.
"Another pint for me, please, and a triple vodka on the rocks." Then he lowers his voice and says to the bartender, "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that nun again, is it?"


A man in a bar is falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home?"
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car, and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door.
"Thanks for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheelchair?"


A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer," he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender. "No charge."

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